Hugh's Moblog

Sometimes, things do not go as planned. Sometimes, it is even better than you planned.

Most of you know that Renee and I are planning on getting married on October 24th of this year. We will stand in church, before our friends and loved ones and declare our love for each other in front of everyone. We are very much looking forward to being able to share all of our joy on that day with our friends.

Last Friday she and I paid the state of North Carolina $20 and had a judge marry us on the spot, with two of our friends as witnesses. Why did we do this? This question seems simple, but really, it is two questions. The first (and most important, to us) question should be “Why did you do it at all”? And the second question would be ‘Why did you do it two and a half months before the big shindig in October?”

Why would any reasonable, sane person get married twice? I mean, we are paying much more than $20 to have a church wedding in October – why waste the $20 to get married in August?

Our faith.

Renee and I both celebrate our faith as Anabaptist Christians (you can click the link to learn more about the Anabaptists).  In the 1500’s, the Anabaptists questioned the idea of church and state collaborating – and were tortured and killed for it.

When a minister signs a marriage license for the state, the minister now acts as an agent for the state, certifying that those she just married meet the requirements set forth by the state. In other words, the state tells the church who can and cannot get married.

We see this most clearly and loudly in the Gay Marriage debate. The state tells the church that you can marry these people, but not those people, and if you do perform a ceremony, you cannot call it marriage.   And the church falls for it.

I reject it. I believe that marriage is a commitment, a decision and a means of grace through which we can learn something of what it means to love in the manner of the God who loves us. What does that have to do with North Carolina?

I also understand that, by being married by the state of North Carolina, I am now privy to some 1100 federal rights that I would not have if I rejected their say over the validity of my marriage. What to do, what to do…

Renee and I saw no way to be true to our convictions but to be married twice – once by the state and once by the church. We had originally planned to do the state on Friday, October 23rd and the church on Saturday, October 24th.

So why did we speed up the legal part? Money, I am sad to say.  We are in the position of living in a city where neither of us have roots, where we have no family. I work full time for a part-time salary and she is on disability for a heart condition. Our combined incomes approximate the salary of a full-time employee at McDonalds. And in October, we are responsible for paying for a party to celebrate our marriage with our friends.

I want to be very clear here: Our friends have been great. We have been showered with so much love and affection, so many gifts, from the church we are holding it in, to the pastor who is officiating to the friend who gave us the condo on the beach so we could have a honeymoon. We are extremely blessed. And yet, there are things we will have to pay for, and deposits to be put down on the new apartment (both of us lived in single person dwellings) and utilities and food and so on and so forth…

In other words, we looked at what we would have to shell out and what we could afford and maintaining 2 households for the next 2 and a half months would mean scaling back significantly the sort of wedding we could have (and already, this is a very bare-bones affair).  We decided last week to go ahead, get married and combine our meager incomes and save some money. Not very romantic, is it? But, it has proven to be the right move for us.

We are squeezed into my apartment for now, and almost all of her stuff is in storage. In October, we move into a very nice apartment in a part of town we want to live in and  that we can, together, afford.  On the 24th of October, we will throw a church wedding, with a preacher, lots of friends and food – and yes, we will consider that our anniversary, because all of you were there for us.